Things that go parp in the night

Due to a variety of circumstances we decided not to have a birthday bash at the time of my birthday, but to have a little get together last Saturday.  Unfortunately on Friday night I went down with food poisoning and stayed down until yesterday.  4kg lighter than before I have finally broken the 90 kilo barrier.  Where Dr Atkins failed, nature triumphed, although I cannot see it being a popular weight loss method. i now have a washboard stomach and a toilet shaped arse.  James Bond move over.

My incapaciation also meant we had to cancel out mini holiday to the mountains and over into Spain.  It was supposed to be an opportunity for the industries and dedicated language students to practice their Spanish.  If I am honest they don’t seem too perturbed, although they did want to go to the Salvador Dali museum at Roses.  Well we can reschedule that without too much drama.

Whilst I was out of action the weather stopped being nice and spring like and became cold and nasty.  It has dumped snow big time in the  mountians and maybe it was just as well we didn’t go up, because we would have taken all the wrong gear.  It has rained like no tomorrow and the temperatures went down 20 odd dgegrees (centigrade that is) ocer night from 27 to 3.  It has bucked up a b it today but it is still only about 5c.

As it is we have got Rob, Ollie and Jenny White here for few days for Halloween.  Rob and Ollie are about the same age as Suzie and went to the same Nursery in the UK as MrsF and Liz white worked together.  Claudia and Jenny are bestist friends ever and have been for as long as I can remember, even though they don’t see each other that often.  In the summer when the Whites were over on holiday, Rob and Olllie went camping with Suzie and some of her school friends in the mountian.  Despite the language barrier they all got on very well and whn there was talk about Halloween parties and fetes the French kids asked Suzie if the two boyos were able to come over. Cheap flights are not that easy to find at the moment, but eventaully we found some reasonable ones that were sort of do-able in terms of price and picking up and dropping off.  The whites live in West Yorks and it meant they had to fly out from Liverpool to Cacassonne and will fly back from Perpignan to Birmingham on Sunday night but it was pretty reasonable in terms of cost.

Tonight it is Halloween and we are having a party for the kids.  Suzie and the boys are going to a fete so she has about seven friends coming over here before hand, Claudia is content just to be with Jenny whilst Flora and Billy have another five friends each coming and sleeping over.  I have my costume which is pretty gruesome if I may say so myself – what do you mean I dont need a costume? – cheeky swines.

I picked out sexy witch outfit for MrsF on the Anne Summers website but she didn’t find the suggestion suitable for some reason.

You will be surpirese to hear that the national scandal that has rocked Brirain to its foundations has not made the news here.  I am of course talking about the Ross Brand saga. I was going to say I dont give a shit, but in view of my recent affliction that would not be entirely true.

I was intrigued to see that only a few hundrend people who actually heard the broadcast complained.  The rest of the 20 odd thousand think they should complain because of whay they read and and beacasue Sky News and the sun (all one and the same aren’t they -with no axe to grind of course) told them they should.   I am not saying what they did was right, but what Id ont understand is which dick head allowed it to be braodcast.  They say standards have slipped, but as Andrew Sachs said they haven’t slipped they have changed.  Mind you at least Ross and Brand picked on a celebrity and as for sweet innocent “Grand dughter” she has seen more prick than my dart board – allegedly. So Russell Brand shagged her – big deal, seen better shagged worse,  he might be able to get counselling and maybe even compensation.

I was very pleased that the prime minister made a speacial announcement on the matter, I was worried he may have not been concerend with such a serious incident.

But the thing is it is not new.  I remember a long time ago, and I mean before we moved to France so well over 11 years ago on Capital Radio this disc Jokey used to ring up some memebr of the public who had had some sort of altercation with neighbours or some branch of authority and wind them up. This was apparently done live and I remember one where this old woamn was told her dog was going to be impounbded and put down and she was in tears.  I dont remember anyone making sod all fuss about that.  Maybe I’ve missed something.

My message to Mr Brown is stop worrying about a bad taste prank and do soemthing about the pitiful exchgange rate between the mighty Pound (HOHOHO) and the allegedly weak and unstable Euro.

I have today written to Mr Brian Potter of the Poenix Club in Bolton to ask him to stand at the next election.  Clealr decisive leadership thats waht Britain needs.  Dont leave it to the likes of Bwown, Camermoron or whateverhisnameis from the five fingered flying worm party (Lib dems).

Before I sign off one last question if a Brit was killed in Brazil would there be all these enquiries and hearings?  We know the answer.  If the team had left the Brazilian in place and he had done the buisiness the same people aho are  baying for blood would still be baying for blood.   So they didn’t shout a warning, I think that has been covered by the SO19 officer to the Nth degree.  What the fuck do these people think this is a game of cricket, time for them to get real.

Am I becoming a grumpy old man?

4 Responses to “Things that go parp in the night”

  1. clarissa says:

    Are toilet shaped bums good? I’m having a hard time picturing it.

  2. Paul says:

    Bill, you’re not in the category of grumpy old man yet, just realistic! Loved the inquest quote from the lady on the tube who thought the firearms team were ‘out of control’. As if it was a simulated take-down of a fare dodger, which would have been a bit more rehearsed, co-ordinated and polite…

    Our enfants did a Halloween procession around a neighbouring village with some French/Anglais friends which resulted in the largest haul of confectionary I’ve ever seen. The darlings are still consuming the proceeds a week later.

  3. Billyboy says:

    C – Toilte shaped bum are not pretty apparently, not that I have seen mine.

    P – I reckon we should leave them to get blown up then she would know the real meaning of out of control. People have watched too many bloody films, still it was these films that gave the 9/11 bombers their idea to hijack aircraft.

    Are you going to Dellboys retirement do on Friday? If so will see you there for a swift tincture.

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