Billy & MrsF

Well the last visitors of summer have left and tonight we will have our first meal on our own since we got back from our hols on the 21st July.  It has been good fun, but I have eaten too much and might just have over done the grog on a few evenings.

The weather is tres agreeabale at the moment with a nice and sunny with a few patchy clouds and temperatures of 29c.  I should really cut the grass, but to be honest I can’t be arsed.  The main thing this week is to get back into some vague routine before the kids go back to school next week.  William goes back on Tuesday and Ribs starts College (secondry school) the same day.  Suzie and Claudia are back on Wednesday for a half day.

Its funny how your life changes as the kids grow and move on.  Originally we all got up at about 7.30 as Galan school starts at 9am and the bus picked them up at 8.30.  When Suzie and Claudia were at College we got up with at 6 and had breakfast and they left the house at 7.15.  The other two still got up at 7.30.  So now with three of them going out at sparrows fart we have decided we will all get up 6 and breakfast together and the poor lad will just have to  revise his poem or whatever he has to do before getting on the bus at 8.30.  I am not good first thing in the morning so am not looking forward to the new change but now doubt it will work out for the best.

Before going back to school we have to buy all the books, stationary and sports stuff plus the obligatory cavarnous back pack to cart it all round in.  It is a French ritual and really marks the end of the end of the summer.  All the supermarkets are carrying a mega supply of exercise books and pencils etc, but even so if you leave it too late you can find yourself hunting in vain for stuff.  There is a good system at the lycee and college where for 40€ they order in bulk and put the whole lot together for you.  I should point out that although you have to buy the books you get a fair wedge of wonger from the family allowance people to cover the cost, we get about 300€ per kid.

Last night we had our final meal with visitors and got a visit from a small swarm of hornets - only a few dozen, but enough to call a halt to the proceedings.  They weren’t aggressive but were clearly out on the piss because they kept diving into our beers - the king cheek- having a bit of slurp before flying off in a zig zaggy manner.  I think we have a nest and I will have to go and get some spray and do the bastards in.

The other big event here is that Suzie and Claudia have moved from the house into the gite.  The idea is that this will act as a stepping stone for when they go off to uni or whatever and will give them a bit of independence.  They will still eat with us in the house, but they will be responsible for looking after the place and keeping it clean.  I await the results of how clean and tidy it remains with sceptical interest.   Flora lost no time in laying claim to Suzies old bedroom and is now getting ready to install herself.  However before she does that it really does need a lick of paint.  Mrs F is incapable of just giving anything a lick of paint and has grand schemes of this being sanded and that being filled and blah blah blah. One tub of Dulux and a quick brushing and it will be like new.  Besides which, they have so many bloody posters and bits of furniture that you don’t see any wall, so I dont see why I should waste time and money on it.

What do you mean I’m a tight wad.

The 15th is a bank holiday and also our village fete and normally we have a bit of a get together with a load of friends and get a leg of lamb and other tasty stuff on the barbie (thats the BBQ not Claus).  There is a reasonable consumption of vino and a good time is had by all.  The only thing is that the weather can be a little uncertain at this time of year. Last year it was hot and this year it aint, in fact last night is snowed on the mountains at about 1800 metres which is ski resort level.  The bad news is that the crap weather is here until next Wednesday, but the good news is after that it is due to get hot again.  Yippee

However, as a result of the inclement weather it is with a very heart that I have to tell you we have taken the decision to postpone the shindig and that means the annual top less water volley ball and water polo match will have to wait.

This morning it was off to church for the village mass this is followed by a remembrance ceremony at the war memorial for those from the village who have died in Frances conflicts.  For a place with less than 150 residents there are quite a few who have copped it in foreign fields.  There is a young peoples association in the village and there is a small band who knocked out a rather jazzy version of the Marseillaise which was greeted with enthusiastic applause and then a quick appero at the village hall.

I gave the drink a miss as my pelvis is giving me some serious stick, but Suzie is staying there for lunch and then she and the other teenagers/young people will go round the village in a minibus which stops at every house.  They and the band get out sing and are given a drink.  They usually get to us last and are pretty bladdered, which might explain why they then jump into the pool.  I hope they don’t expect me to jump in this year.

We have Julias Aunty Audrey here until next Thursday.  She is a chatty soul and a very easy guest and we really enjoy her visits, but I do feel sometimes that we give her a very boring stay, but she never complains.

I was reading a survey that said that Thames Water is the best water in the UK.  I was intrigued as to how they came up with this decision - not that I have anything against Thames water, I was just interested as to how you decide which is the best water.  The criteria used is that Thames had the less complaints.  One observer has commented that that would make Garry Glitter the best Paedophile in the country (when he gets back that is) as he only had two young girls complain against him.

I also see that Jeremy Paxman has upset the sweaty socks by saying that the work of Robert Burns is” …No more than a king of sentimental doggerel, one might as well have used his ramfeezled to describe our state.”

The Chambers Dictionary entry for doggerel is “badly written poetry”. Ramfeezled means tired or exhausted.

Mr Paxman makes no mention of Rab C Nesbitt, who I understand now holds a position in the new Scottish Assremby as minister of cultural affairs.

Had the weather been better no doubt I would be on the road to being ramfeezled, but as it is here I am banging out the blog equivalent of doggerel.

 ”Its so nice to go travelling to London Paris and Rome, but its so much nicer to get home” I think thats roughly howOl’ Blue eyes put it, and by in large he is right.

The day after getting back from the European tour we found the dishwasher had died, the pool had gone green and there was virus on the computer and we had a major financial crisis.  Typical but nothing that can’t be sorted.  Enough algicide  to remove the skin from a small child and eventually the pool eventually went blue.  The virus was sorted out in three hours by AVG and the financial crisis, well that will sort itself out eventually, besides which as half the world seems to be up shit creek there doesn’t seem much point loosing any sleep over a few thousand Euros, besides which it wouldn’t alter anything would it.  We have insurance to cover the repair of dishawasher and although this will mean some weeks washing up, it is hardly a big deal.

What really pissed me off was I also got a bill from Orange for 100 Euros.  The robbing bastards. You see we have a fixed contract of unlimited calls etc and internet for 50 Euros, but in May and June we got bills for 90 and 85 Euros.

Why?

Because.

That was the less than satisfactory explanation given by the Newarks (anagram) at Orange. However they decided as we had been with them for a year they would give us the month of July totally free. So if July was a free  month why a bill of 100 Euros. “You made telephone calls” they said. No we didn’t we were not here and we were supposed to have the month free. “Zut alors I will look into it and somebody would ring you back”. They didn’t so I cancelled the contract blocked the payments and moved to Neuf (aol), which is what I wanted to do last year till Ornage cocked the whole thing up.

It took neuf 5 days to send me the box and transfer the lines. Those of you who read last year will recall it too Orange 60 somehting days to do this.

So now France Telecom can poke their orange up their derrieres.

I feel better now and will run outside  into the sunshine and skip through the grass like a chunky Julie Andrews.  Maybe run is a bit of an exageration, since I had my accident I cannot run properly like a bloke, I run like a woman does when they have lost their kids.  All very embarrassing and not macho at all.

The weather has been pretty good since we have been back.  Not perfect but not bad.  Most days around 30c and for the most part blues skies with a little breeze.  We have had a couple of thunderstorms but all in all a pretty good summer.

However the weather is only part of a good summer.  For me this year the fact that I have been able to walk and do things which on Decemebr 25th looked highly unlikely has really struck home.  To add to this, we have had a ten day visit from Dr & Mrs Death and the Deathlets followed by another ten day visit from the Zeccas.  They were great visits and we really enjoyed them, not just because they are good people and easy guests who pitch in and help in the chaos that is our household, Its more than that, it is because they are good friends.  My mate Jim Elliot used to say we all have a lot of acquaintances but it is a lucky geezer who can say he has five friends.

I am truly a lucky geezer, even if I do run like a doris.

PS

Bollocks again to Orange.

Now then, now then a lot has happened since my last post back at the start of July, although most of it is pretty boring.

As you may recall we went off for a weeks visit to Italy to stay with MrsFs sister and family. There was the surprise visit for her birthday by her parents all of which I blabbed about in my last post.

We had a great week scoring rays at the beach or a nearby lake. We had done a short course of holiday Italian before we went (BBC Kick satrt Italian if you are really interested) and although we were not great we could at least count and order drinks and grub and all in all it did help.  MrsF even managed to negotiate with some Arab Johnny on the beach for some rather sexy white cotton shirts and bits and was able to say “Troppo caro” - too expensive and beat him down in price.

We did do one day of sight seeing, but to be honest if you have seen one ruin you’ve seen em all. However Katie P, MrsF’s neice did a top notch job guiding us around the hot spots of Roma. The weather was very hot and sunny and we moved on bronzed and more sexy than we had arrived. I know that a little hard to imagine, but it is true.

It was a great week and a really relaxing holiday and Suzanne and Pater gave us a really good holiday and so a big merci goes to them.

We left Rome on the 12th July at about 7.30a.. We got to the airport at 5.30 is having done the on line check in malarky and presented our six checked in bags and passports to the woman at the BA desk. She looked at them and say “Dat Ok but you ava de pay de exdra for de exdra bag”

“Extra bag!” says I “what extra bag?”

“You av a checked in de six bags but der is only de five persons oo travel” she said giving me her best Italian BA corporate smile.

“No there are six of us traveling”

“But I ave onlt de five pasports” she retorted.

I knew I had given her six passports but she said ” I no ave it ear”

I remained cool under crisis for a few seconds and then we started looking for the missing passport. I thought it was going to be Claudia’s as these things always happen to Claude, but no for once it was Flora who was the victim. The cool evaporated as we rummaged through pockets and bags all to no avail and then suddenly she said “Oh it Ok I drop it on de floor” HA HA HA HA how we all laughed, dopey mare.

We got to York about 2.30pm and then first thing the Kids asked was to drive past Grannys house.  The “For Sale” sign and the absence of life was the confirmation they did not really need that Old Bid had moved on and so did they.  That evening we had a family get together for my aunty Mary’s 81st birthday.  Everyone was on good form and in high spirits despite being one light which was really good and then the next day off with Vic to Scarborough for our first holiday without Granny.

I wont bore you with a blow by blow account of our hols.  In the words of Jim Elliott  “The weather was good, we had a nice time, Shtum”  That sums it up perfectly.  The weather was brilliant and we did have good time, which was over before we knew it.  Our tanned bods were even more bronzed.  I dont like to boast, but  famous singer once said “Bill man, you are even more sexy when tanned” and who am I to argue with Stevie Wonder.

Our last night in the UK was spent with Rocket Ron and Julie at their UK pad in Kennington.  It is a cracking place with view across the London skyline to the London Eye, Place of Westminster and Post office tower.  As per usual their hospitality was as generous and bountiful as ever and we ate and drank far too much.  Ron has started producing a cheeky little fruity brandy which was too tasty by half and might just account for why I can’t remember which fruit it was he used and for the mild headache I had the next morning.

The next day was Rons birthday and they were invited out.  We had walk to the South Bank and took in some of the sights of what I think is probably the best city in the world.   We were entertained by a very amusing, camp Australian escapologist  who did some amazing dislocating of limbs and then it was time to fly home.

So then Guys and Gals that covers the sun and sea but what about the sex.

Well…………