All on the Mend & Pas Normal Encore Encore!

Once again I find myself catching up after several weeks absence. Part of the problem has been good old Orange who for some reason managed to cock up our ADSL connection. The other part of the problem is a simple lack of time. This bedroom/bathroom renovation malarky has dragged on and on and on and on and on and on, BUT the end is in sight – as the actress said to the bishop. The there is the garden and the pool and loads of other stuff. I reckon we have lost a day every week with having to go to Pau or Toulouse to get stuff. It doesn’t sound much, but its thee hours in the car there and back plus shopping time and I have got to stop at 12.00 for lunch – actually I get in at 11.45 before the rush, after all the arly Billy gets the Jambon Chaud.

Anyway by the time we have done that we are usually back for the kids getting home from school, then its home work, grub and if we are lucky some “quality family time”. My Name Earl is still up there with Father Ted, although recently the kids discovered a Tommy Cooper DVD somebody had leant us and they are quite into that. However as the weather improves we tend to migrate outside.

We have also been a way to stay with friends in Drome Provenece. Beucoup du Cote du Rhone, Nyons Olives and sunshine. All in all tres agreeable indeed, although I find that neck of the woods far to windy. Actually 4 days of 50kmh winds is fairly normal for there. BUt not pour moi.

For those animal lovers who have been so concerned about Stumpy no nuts I can tell you the stump is looking OK. Can’t vouch for where his nuts were though. I wonder is this a case of no nuts is good nuts? probably not from his point of view!

The Fish’s arm came out of plaster and he was walking round like the fugitive or hunch back. He was due to go back to the hospital on the 15 th May. However while we were away last week he sauntered into the kitchen, where we deeply ensconced in our second glass of appero, and casually announced that his elbow was bleeding because one of the pins had come through the skin and was sticking out slightly. It was only bleeding slightly and a plater covered the hole. The next day we rang the hospital and we arranged an emergency appointment for yesterday ie 28th April with the surgeon.

The long and the short of it was that they removed the “pin” from his elbow under a local anaesthetic. Not a pleasant experience according to MrsF as the pin was about 6inches long and shaped like a dagger. The boy was not too fussed although he did say that he wouldn’t rush back for the treatment.

He is rather looking forward to his next stay in hospital as the food was so good. I don’t know how long he thinks he will be in there because he keeps saying “When I am in hospital I can do ……..” You would think he was going to Club Med.

I saw the neurosurgeon who did the repair on my back a couple of weeks ago. The news is very good. The repair is very good and in fact he thinks now that he will be able to remove the titanium plates and screws at the end of the year, where as originally he thought they were going to stay in for ever.

However that is to be confirmed but none the less it is good news. I am now driving a little bit. Local runs only. The only thing I can’t do is put my shoes and socks on but I am making progress there and can actual get my feet to my hands. It’s just the pulling the shoes and socks on that is too much.

One of the rrasons for the improved mobility is that the boy wonder and I started physio a couple of weeks ago and will have this twice a week for the next 5 or 6 weeks. Obviously physio is out for his nibs for the time being as a result of yesterdays procedure but he will be back in the harness soon.

Then weight loss continues to go well, although I am now down to 90kg from my original 106 I just don’t seem to be able to limbo dance into the 80’s. I can’t be doing with getting this low fat spread and stuff. I am not so bothered as to sacrifice the quality, taste and enjoyment of my grub just to be a little thinner. I am not worried about being healthier, I just want to get some of the load off my knees and back. I reckon I am built for comfort not for speed!

The weather has been pretty naff until last weekend. It has been cold windy and very wet. In fact it rained almost none stop for ten days and it had even been sleeting and snowing on and off here whilst the mountains have had more snow than the rest of the winter. The someone flicked the hot switch and suddenly it was 28c. No introduction or warm up and very nice it was too. However it is weird because it was 28 on Sunday and 9c yesterday. Pas normale!

We all took part in a fancy dress party the parents association arranged for the school kids. Flora went as a the Corpse bride, MrsF the corpse bride’s mother, The fish was a pirate and I went as Bob Marley and Suzie was a mysterious woman in BLack.  Claudia went as an Eskimo, but for some reason I dont seem to have a photo of her or MrsF on the PC.  Enquiries will be made to rectify this. Nobody recognised me and in fact nobody talked to me except one for the Gendarmes.

The fish as Jack Sparrow Bob Corpse brideMystery Woman

As the summer approaches the swimming pool begs attention. Christ it is a right two and eight and is going to need some work to get it looking like a swamp.

The brutes have been out working in preparation for this years veggie planting. We are limiting ourselves to Aubergines, courgettes, peppers, tomatoes (cherry and beefsteak) chillies, lettuces and carrots.

I have also taken my first step to my outside cooking area. At great expense I got two sort of butcher block/ trolleys from Ikea and a work surface. This will form the basis for my preperation zone. I have also been putting the finishing touches to my first solar water heater that I intend to build – MrsF raises eyes to heaven and shakes her head every time the project is mentioned-Oh she of little faith. I have also found a billydo for solar lighting which is about 300 Euros and provides enough electrickery to light a shed ans some patio lights. However for the time being I will limit myself to the hot water system.

And finally I would like to thank Julia’s Uncle Rat for the following little gems:-

12 of the finest double-entendres that have been aired on TV & radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – ‘And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!’

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator – ‘Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him.’

3. Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator – ‘This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother.’

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – ‘Ah, isn’t
that nice.. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
Oxford crew.’

5. US PGA Commentator – ‘One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them ….. Oh my god!! What have I just said??’

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team
Live’ said: ‘You’d eat beaver if you could get it.’

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, ‘So Bob, where’s
that eight inches you promised me last night?’ Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: ‘Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69 yesterday.’

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North
said: ‘There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night
like this.’

10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky
Sports: ‘Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked:
‘They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come
in his shorts.’

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: ‘Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.’

I will try to post something before July!

2 Responses to “All on the Mend & Pas Normal Encore Encore!”

  1. martin says:

    Good to see you back……….

  2. enidd says:

    enidd can’t be doing with that low fat nonsense either, billy. she likes a bit of lard. and her favourite double entendre is this one: a girl walks into a bar and orders a double entendre… so the bartender gives it to her.

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